What'd You Say?
by lovova
Summary: Craig has apparently been having a very difficult time understanding Kenny through his hood lately, and a misunderstanding leaves Kenny trapped in a very uncomfortable and unwanted situation. Warnings: Slash, Craig/Kenny
1. Let Go, Craig!

What'd You Say…?

A Thank-You Fic to G-Dogg (GBlatte)!

By Lovova

Authors Note: This Fic was inspired by a picture put together by Fumouffu-Fumo on deviantart. Link to the picture can be found in my profile. Enjoy!

Most of the time, Kenny loved being the silent, difficult to understand type. He wasn't stupid, he knew the effect that his hood had on his communication skills…but, the fact that typically the only people he wanted to talk to anyway were other fourth graders who had spent enough time with him to know what he was saying anyway, he had never viewed it as a problem. He loved saying dirty things to oblivious adults, and the hood was a great excuse to just blend into the background sometimes, an occasional life saver to a kid whose life was constantly in danger. All in all, life in the hood was good…the cloth type, anyway.

Occasionally, though, there came situations where you just wanted to be understood…like, when a peer decides that just because you held hands during one school trip, it was assumed they would continue to do so every school outing.

"Let go of my hand Craig." Kenny said, as a slowly becoming familiar hand circled around his.

"I think it's ten O' clock, why?" Craig answered, completely missing what Kenny had muffled through his hood. This wasn't the first time either. For some reason, in the last few weeks, Craig had apparently completely lost his ability to translate Kenny's muffled speech, though Craig himself still seemed unaware of the fact. Kenny had tried to tell him that he was getting his translations wrong, but Craig had left the conversation thinking Kenny had just confessed to him of his deep, dark secret collection of novelty Ken Dolls. The mistake had yet to be cleared up.

Around them, the rest of the class was picking their partners for the art museum trip as well. Kenny had actually wanted to partner up with Cartman this time, as he was sure the fatass would have some choice words for the exhibits that would undoubtedly make him laugh. Not wanting to miss out on the fun of watching Kyle and Cartman argue about paintings, Kenny tried again, "Let go of my hand, Craig!"

Craig looked at Kenny with a small frown for awhile before saying carefully, "I can't understand you Kenny…"

"Really now? No flying fucking way."The nine-year old growled sarcastically, trying fruitlessly to pull his hand away. Not getting the hint at all, Craig just tightened his grip as he practically dragged the hooded boy into the museum.

"Alright kids, feel free to explore the museum as you will, you have an hour." Mr. Garrison informed his class, looking just as bored as his students as he glanced around before sternly reminding them, "Remember, stay with your partner. If I find out any of you little cretins went out on your own, you'll be in big trouble! Now, shoo."

The kids dispersed, Craig looking around before saying in that froggy, monotone voice of his, "You want to go check out the stuffed animal exhibit?"

"No." Kenny replied shortly, glaring at the hand that had taken him hostage. Who would have thought Craig would have such a grip?

"Cool," Craig said as he began to pull them to the stuffed animal exhibit.

"Goddammit, Craig, I don't want to go look at animals!" Kenny shouted, trying once again to twist out of Craig's grasp.

Craig gave the blond an annoyed stare, "Jeez, relax Kenny, I'm sure they have a stuffed Rhino. Sheesh, I didn't even know you liked Rhinos." Craig muttered, either completely missing or just ignoring Kenny's cry of frustration as he was dragged into the dark hallways.

None of the other kids first picks had been the stuffed animals, so other than a few genuinely interested adults, no one but them were in the exhibit. The museum kept most of the lights in these hallways off, so that the light over the animals would appear brighter, and would give more of a realistic impression that the animals were actually moving around outside. All of this was lost on Kenny, who just thought to himself, '_It's dark. I'm going to trip and die. Or get impaled on a horn. Or get trampled by stuffed animals. Goddammit.'_

As Kenny pondered all the ways he could meet an untimely demise here, Craig lead them deeper into the exhibit, before turning to Kenny, "Here. Happy now?"

Kenny looked up, and sure enough there was a large stuffed Rhino, it's horn glimmering dangerously and it's body stuffed and heavy looking. Painful, too. That was all Kenny ever really cared about. How was it going to happen, and would it be painful?

However, his attention shifted, and he found himself looking at the stuffed corpse's eyes. They shimmered darkly, permanently fixed on some point at the horizon, its head cocked up with grass in its mouth, as if forever held in place in a moment of wary apprehension. As if, against all possibility, it knew exactly what was coming, and that there was nothing it could do to stop it.

The idea made Kenny feel incredibly sad, and perhaps Craig noticed his friends suddenly darkening mood, as he suddenly said, "Forget this. Let's go look at birds." Before pulling Kenny away.

They walked for awhile in the darkness, stuffed birds hanging over head creating random flowing of intense light to dark shadows over them, and here not even the adults had headed, as while the birds were pretty, it was annoying to have to stick your neck was back to see them, and so most never bothered. Due to the lack of other people their footsteps echoed depressingly into what might have well as been night, and Kenny had just resigned himself to an incredibly dull afternoon when Craig said, "Kenny…can I ask you something?"

"Would you know it if I said no?" Kenny sighed.

"Thanks." Craig said, oblivious, "It's just…Cartman's definitely in the closet…"

"Genius, Sherlock, how'd you figure that one out?" Kyle muttered.

"…and I'm pretty sure there's something weird going on between Stan and Kyle…that's what everybody else thinks anyway…" Craig continued on hesitantly.

"Is there a point to this, or are you just going to keep making blunt observations about my best friends' sexual preferences?" Kenny growled, wondering if Craig was about to go on some teasing rant about the odd group he hung out with.

Craig sighed, again showing no indication that he had understood a word Kenny had said as he continued, "It's just that…are _you_ like that?"

Kenny blinked, momentarily thrown, "What?"

"Are you gay, Kenny?" Craig said flatly, stopping their journey through the display as he looked the hooded boy in the eyes seriously, though with Craig it was hard to tell when he wasn't being serious, "Or even Bi-Curious. It's alright to tell me, I'm not asking to make fun of you, I really want to know."

"Dude, I am not gay," Kenny said, really wishing Craig would let go of his hand, "I like chicks. I like big boobs. I'm not gay."

Craig frowned slightly, though not entirely in a displeased fashion as he said, "Really? You are? Wow, I didn't think you'd just go out and say it. I thought I'd have to coax it out of you for at least another ten minutes. How long have you known you were gay?"

"I'm not gay, god dammit!" Kenny shouted.

Craigs eyes widened comically, "Since you were three? Seriously?! Shit, dude, I only figured myself out a few weeks ago!"

Kenny furrowed his brows in enraged frustration, "I'm not….! Wait, what do you mean, 'figured yourself out'? What?"

Craig had the decency to at least look a little sheepish as he suddenly grew fascinated with the floor, his voice perfectly even as he continued, "Well, you know how it is…you begin to realize certain things about yourself…about the people you think are kind of cute…" at this, Craig looked up at Kenny meaningfully.

"I don't think I like where this is going…" Kenny said weakly, wondering how they had remained alone for this long amount of time. Wasn't _anyone_ else interested in seeing the damned dead stuffed birds?!

Craig sighed in relief, his shoulder slumping as if a great weight had been taken off, "Thank god you guessed it, Kenny, I don't think I could have just gone right out and said it. You're right, I _do_ like you…and I was wondering, if maybe sometime, me and you could hang out, just us…maybe see a movie or something…"

"I don't want to be your boyfriend." Kenny reported plainly, knowing he had to nip this in the butt now.

Instead of looking disappointed though, Craig's face practically beamed as he said, with honest excitement in his voice, "Really? Wow, Kenny, I was just talking about going on a date or something…but, yeah, if you want to just go straight into being boyfriends, sure, why not?...Awesome!"

And then, without any warning, Craig pulled Kenny in for a hug. A hug that lasted way too long, and Craig seemed to have no problem with the fact that Kenny was stiff as a board, staring past Craig's shoulder in horror. '_What the hell just happened'_, Kenny wondered as Craig finally let go, giving him a pleased smile, '_What did I just get wrapped into?!_'

Craig's pleased smile quickly fell as he considered something, "Wait…this might be a bit soon to talk about it, seeing as we only just got together, but do you think we should tell anybody? You know how our friends are, we'll probably get a lot of heat for this…"

"No, we shouldn't' t tell anyone!" Kenny screamed, desperate to make himself understood (For some reason, it never occurred to him to take his hood off. Hid hood was practically a part of his being, and he never took it off unless absolutely necessary, like helping his friends or saying his, possibly, final goodbyes.), "There's nothing to tell! We're not together!"

Craig grinned, "You're right Kenny, we shouldn't let what other people say get in between us. I'd rather not make a big show of coming out, but I won't make any effort to hide it either, and if people figure it out and don't like it…well, that's their problem. Jeez, Kenny, I can't believe how well this worked out. I swore I thought you'd take my head off or something if I told you. Do you mind if I…aw, fuck it." Craig said as he leaned in and, before Kenny could do anything, gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Because of the hood, no skin touched skin, but the mere act of it had Kenny reeling in horror.

"Oh God, why is this happening…?" Kenny moaned, staring up into the ceiling as he glared at the before spoken God. Or at least in the direction he was pretty sure the omnipresent lived.

Again, Craig completely missed the point as he said cheerfully, "Yeah, we can go back to the rest of the museum. I only wanted to come here because I knew it would be a quiet place to talk. Let's go." And with that, he dragged Kenny behind him, not noticing or caring as Kenny let loose a stream of curses that would have made sailors eyes bulge.

Sometimes, Kenny hated being the difficult to understand type.

To Be Continued? Yes, no? If I get some people who like where this is going and want to see more of it, then I'll get right on to more chapters. If not, then I'll leave it a playful One-Shot with an open ending ^_^ Just let me know what you prefer!


	2. Rat Bastard Friends

Chapter Two

Authors Note: I'll admit, I'm not taking this fic too seriously. Since everyone who reviewed seemed to think another chapter would be fun to read, I decided to see if it would be fun to write. Lo and behold, it was. So, the goal of this fic isn't to make fiction history, but to just have fun with it from all angles. I can't promise long chapters, but I'll try to update frequently, and I hope you all enjoy what I do manage to write ^_^

Oh, and to the reviewer who helpfully mentioned some of my grammer issues in the chapter before…I will be fixing those! Soon! Promise!!!

On with the show!

0

Kenny, growing up the poorest kid in South Park, had learned a wide variety of profanities to compensate, and so was still going strong as his suddenly newly impressed upon him boyfriend dragged him to the lobby. Here some of the kids were looking at the statues displayed there, or were just hanging out on the benches. While Craig, who recently had become 'Kenny Illiterate', seemed to have no idea what Kenny was screaming, the other kids looked at his either wide eyed with horror, blushing, or more often the case, snickering hysterically.

Craig looked over at Kenny, "Hey, wait here a minute, kay? I'm going to the bathroom." He explained before, finally, letting go of Kenny's hand. The hooded boy immediately clutched it too his chest protectively, glaring at the blue haired boy as he tried to coax some life back into it. It was as he was reflecting bitterly that there was no way he was letting that kid anywhere near his hand again that he noticed four familiar shadows, and turned around to see his friends giving him amused, puzzled grins.

"Dude, we heard you all the way from the abstract art section!" Stan laughed, his hand loosely clutching Wendy's, who nodded in confirmation, "I don't even know what half of those words mean. What's wrong with you?"

"Somehow, probably by a deliberate munuvere from Mr. Garrison who could be cruel sometimes, Kyle and Cartman had ended up hand buddies. This in itself was not unusual, as elementary school forced its students to hold hands all the time, but at the moment Kyle looked pissed, and was trying to stand as far away as possible from Cartman as he could, while holding his hand at the same time. Every minute or so an annoyed Cartman would have to yank Kyle back beside him before the Jew managed to pull his arm out of his socket. Kenny guessed he had already missed the fight.

Not to be distracted from his own misfortune, Kenny spat, "Craig has fucking lost his mind!" the orange boy shouted , throwing up his arms in exasperations as he continued, "You guys remember me telling you that lately he seems to be having a hard time understanding me through my hood?"

"Yeah, Kenny, you kept whining about it at lunch the other- Goddamit, Kyle, will you just hold still?!" Cartman shouted, yanking Kyle to his side once again, who scowled at him. Cartman rolled his eyes, "Jesus, Kahl, get the damn sand out of your vagina, I was only paying you a compliment, you self-hating Jew!"

"Compliment!?" Kyle screamed in outrage, "You fat bastard, you said my mom was a bitch!"

"No, I said it's lucky you didn't turn out to be a bitch like your mom!" Cartman shouted back, "Though clearly I was wrong about that, you little bitch!"

"Bastard!"

"Bitch!"

"Will you guys shut up, I have a real problem here!" Kenny roughly interrupted, the two boys reluctantly giving him their attention, though Kyle was still trying to inch away from Cartman, "You won't believe what happened! Me and Craig were in the bird exhibit, right?"

"Dude, the bird exhibit is gay," Stan interrupted, "What were you doing in there?"

"I know it's gay, just listen!" Kenny growled, "Anyway, Craig told me he liked me-"

"Woah! What?" Cartman said, "Craig's gay?"

"Holy shit, dude!" Kyle said, equally shocked.

"Knew it," Wendy said dryly. Noting the boys blatant disbelief, she rolled her eyes before explaining, "Me and the girls came up with a list about the boys we thought would at least experiment with homosexuality. Craig's on it."

"Is there anything you girls don't have a list for?" Kyle muttered, having a bad history with girls and their lists.

"You're on it too, Kyle." Wendy added, ignoring the red-heads cry of outrage.

Kenny was getting desperate now, knowing Craig could be back any minute, "Guys, will you listen to me? I need your help!" Kenny pleaded, gaining their attention again, "He asked me to go out with him. I told him no, but he didn't understand me. He thinks I agreed to be his boyfriend!"

The four kids stared at him silently, absorbing this information with stunned thoughtfulness. A mean little smile formed on Cartman's face as he asked softly, "...what?"

"He thinks were dating," Kenny explained again, "I need you guys to tell him we're not, that it was a misunderstanding, okay?"

"Again, that silent, ponderous stare as the allowed this new flow of information to sink in before Stan said, without any hesitation, "No way dude. That's hilarious."

"…What!?" Kenny cried, "You guys have to help me!"

"Yeah right, Kenny, this is was more entertaining than art." Kyle laughed, "Oh my god, do you think he'll try and kiss you? Dude, I wish I had a camera!"

Cartman, who had been expecting this reaction, burst out into a full, evil grin, before saying excitedly, "Guys, we got to go find everyone and tell them to play along! No one can tell Craig what's going on, it'll be the greatest thing ever!"

"No!" Kenny cried, horrified by his friends treachery, "No, you goddamn-!"

The hand. The evil little hand with a grip like a python suddenly shot out and curled around Kenny's, Craig's nasally voice saying impassively, "Hey. Sorry I was gone so long. Line."

He then looked at Cartman, Kyle, and Stan, and more out of a learned habit then any real annoyance, flipped all three of them off. No matter how many times he did it, it still pissed them off, but they were willing to let it go in pursuit of their new plan.

"So, dude, Craig, Kenny told us you guys are dating now, congrats man," Cartman said through clenched teeth, trying hard not to giggle maniacally as Craig gave him a blank stare.

"Stan and Kyle were having similar problems, both trying hard not to lose control of themselves as they too pushed out through giggles, "Yeah, good for you dude," and "Kenny's a great catch."

At this, all four boys finally lost it and giggled helplessly as Kenny tried to murder them with his eyes. Wendy, who looked at Craig's stoic face and seemed to be seeing something, kept her mouth shut.

Craig turned to Kenny, appearing minorly startled, "You told them? I thought we weren't announcing it?"

"You evil, rat bastards…" Kenny mumbled darkly.

Craig shrugged, the comment flying over his head, "Well, I guess since it's going to get around, I should go tell my friends too…"

"Oh, oh no, let us Craig!" Cartman offered, grinning widely, "We'll go tell everyone…what's going on…right guys?" Cartman asked Stan and Kyle, who burst into another fit of giggles.

"Kill you guys…" Kenny continued gloomily, "…set you on fire…"

Craig seemed unmoved by the whole display as he said simply, "If it's alright with Kenny, whatever. I don't really care." He then focused his attention back at his, or at least what he believed to be his, boyfriend, "Do you want to go see the paintings?"

"No."

"Cool." Craig ignored Cartman, Kye and Stan's burst of laughter as he pulled Kenny along after him towards the painting exhibits. Kenny, defeated, didn't even try to struggle this time but followed reluctantly after him towards what would probably prove to be another boring exhibit. "…kill them…feed em' to Cartman's pig…"

"Yeah, I like to swim, why?" Craig asked as they disappeared into the exhibit.

At the boys laughed, Wendy sighed. In the odd way that girls knew things, she knew, and merely said quietly to herself, "Here's hoping this doesn't blow up in your face, Craig." Before dutifully following Stan to go and tell everyone of this awesome new predicament.

tbc


	3. Shit Eating Grins

**IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE, PLEASE READ**

So, here's the reason I haven't updated in over a year. I have no idea what to do with this story. No, really, I've literally spent the last year trying to think of what's going to happen next, and nothing ever really sprang to mind. I had for awhile considered this elaborate story idea that strongly referenced Doctor Who and Night at the Museum, but every time I sat down to try and write it, it came out wrong and looked obviously forced into place for lack of a better plot. I still don't know what to do with it, honestly, and I thought about permanently abandoning it, but every week I get some nice, lovely new reviewer very kindly asking me to continue, no angry demands or hurt accusations, just always, "Love the story, hope you continue soon,". And who can say no to that? So here I am in my chair for the millionth time, wondering what the heck I'm going to do with this story, when I get a sudden idea.

Why not let you guys decide what happens next?

Fuck yes! So, here's the deal folks. This is a small filler chapter to kind of set up and finish the beginning part of this story, and then what I want you guys to do is send in reviews with ideas for what will happen next. They can either be serious ideas regarding the already established plot, or, since this is by nature a Crack fic anyway, you can send the most bizarre, random ideas you can think of. The more ideas the better! I'll read your ideas and try and mix and mash and put as many of them into the next chapter as possible, and we'll just keep going on like that from there.

So, send in your ideas guys, and I'll get started on the next chapter right away! Thanks for your patience for the last year, and hopefully I'll deliver something to you all that was worth the wait. Until then, enjoy Chapter 3 :)

Chapter 3

Even in his currently enraged state, Kenny had to be impressed by how quickly his friends had managed to get every kid in their class both in and on the joke. He'd nearly go so far as to call it a super-human ability, what his three friends could get accomplished in the span of a mere five minutes, when they were very determined and absolutely convinced that the end results would be hilarious.

Kenny, personally, didn't think it was very funny.

In front of them was Clyde, Token, Jimmy and Butters, all wearing shit-eating grins. Kenny had never really understood that phrase before, 'shit eating', but seeing their faces now, he supposed he did; a shit eating grin was a grin that gave you the powerful urge to force the grinner to eat shit. Had there been a dog nearby, Kenny could easily imagine himself taking one of their big, stupid heads in his hands and forcing it down to the dogs ass and just waiting patiently for nature to take effect, that was how angry he was. But, being that this was a museum and no dog was making itself easily accessible, Kenny settled for glaring at them in pure, loathsome hatred.

This only made their shit-eating grins wider, which he supposed just meant that, when he had the opportunity, their mouth would be capable of holding more shit. So there was that, at least.

"Dude, seriously, congratulations man." Said Clyde, who had never once thought about Craig being gay, but having now discovered he was had completely convinced himself that he had known all along, "Kenny's a catch, I'm real happy for you guys."

"Fuck you, you evil backstabbing bastard," Kenny snarled, and oh if only he could escape the Grip, he could punch Clyde in his second-fattest face. "Craig's your friend, you dipshit! I wanted your help explaining the mistake!"

The school dramas club had missed out on some talent; the boys expressions never faltered at Kenny's verbal attack, though Butters, excited by it, couldn't stop squirming and giggling at his own naughtiness. Craig didn't seem to notice or care about Butter's though, glancing at Kenny briefly before nodding, "Yeah, I agree with Kenny. I never thought for a second you all would take this so well. I figured you all would have punched me seven different ways by now."

"Nah, man, we're cool with you being gay, so long as you remember No Homo," Token reassured, the shit-eating shit shitter, "But man, you and Kenny; never saw it coming. I bet Kenny is super happy. Are you supper happy, Kenny?"

"Fucking hate all of you!" Kenny screamed, "I am going to make you all eat shit!"

For a brief second, Craig smiled. "Yeah, me too."

And that brief look of happiness, and the ones that had come before it, those moments during this god awful day that Craig really did look like he was happy, was the thing that kept Kenny from just throwing his hood back and screaming at Craig, "No, you idiot, I am not gay and I don't want to date you, you deaf bastard!" Kenny, despite having been completely honest from second one to Craig about his feelings on the subject, had long started feeling guilty about leading the guy on. The truth was, during all this, Craig had actually been…well, he supposed Kenny could say Craig had actually been a rather nice boyfriend, as much as the communication problem had allowed. Craig went to the exhibits he thought Kenny wanted to go to, laughed at the jokes he had thought Kenny made, made small talk and gave small compliments, nothing overbearing, just little reminders to say, "Yep, still thinking about you." He had bought Kenny a drink earlier when he had thought Kenny had said something about being thirsty (Kenny had actually been screaming at the Gods, "Why! Oh Holy Hell, why!") and Kenny, afraid of throwing his hood back, afraid of putting himself in the inevitable situation where he would have to tell Craig what was going on and see that look of hurt and embarrassment on the stupid assholes face…well, Kenny had been holding the soda for awhile now, not drinking it, not sure what to do with it, avoiding the moment as best he could.

And, like a punk, he had gone to Craig's friends to get help breaking the news to him; unfortunately, Cartman and the other's had gotten to them first, and now Kenny was alone against a sea of fourth graders with their shit-eating grins asking embarrassing questions and just enjoying the heck out of themselves at Kenny and Craig's expense.

"So, have you fellows kissed yet?" Butters asked, a flush coming over his face at the thought.

"Ew, Butters!" Clyde cried, shocked, "Of course they havn't!...Have you?"

"No we damn well fucking have not," Kenny snarled, but then stopped when he realized, uh, yeah, they had. But it had been through his hood, so that didn't count, right?

Craig gave him a quick confused glance before sighing dramatically, "A man doesn't kiss and tell, boys."

Thinking perhaps he was distracted by the group of boys sudden barking laughter and cries of "Holy shit, they did! They kissed!" Kenny gave another valiant effort of tugging his hand free, hoping to somehow escape the humiliation. The iron grip remained firm.

"Craig, let go!" There was a whine in Kenny's voice that he was not proud of, but he was getting more then a little frustrated by all this, and all he really wanted to do was go lie down and pretend he didn't exist for awhile. Craig looked at him thoughtfully before nodding, "Sorry guys, you heard him, we have to go. Kenny's been really interested in the exhibits, so we're going to try and see everything before the fieldtrip ends."

"Aw, s-s-such a good boyfriend." Jimmy teased, having been admiring the complex scenario that had emitted such a simple sort of humor in this situation. Honestly, he wanted to put this in a comedy act, but it was one of those bizarre situations that no one in his audience would ever believe actually happened. Pity. It would have been a funny bit.

"Alright, well, you guys enjoy your date," Token said, laughing all the while. The giggling and jeers continued as the two left, Craig, as always, leading, Kenny miserably trying not to trip over his own feet, "Congratulations again! Don't do anything we wouldn't do!" Token cried, to the laughter of everyone as they turned the corner and were out of sight.

They walked quietly for awhile before Craig said, in his somber tone, "Sorry about that, Kenny. I didn't think everyone would find out that fast. But at least the worst they did was tease us."

"Oh, picked up on that, did you?" Kenny muttered. The only people around were adults, which meant they were more or less alone. Adults, so long as it wasn't annoying them, didn't care what kids did, even if that was destroy each other.

"Yeah," Craig replied, "They're jerks, but, you know, they're my friend." Craig shrugged. And what could Kenny say to that? After all, he still hung out with Cartman.

Craig was a difficult person to read, but as stated before, Kenny was getting good at it today, and his expression seemed unusually thoughtful. "Still," Said Craig, "It's been a good day, hasn't it? Nothing bad has happened, no robbers, terrorists, explosions. You're still alive, and it's already nearly been an hour. That's good, isn't it?"

And there wasn't much Kenny could say to that, either, because, other then Craig himself, the day had in fact been blessedly absent of anything weird, horrific, or deadly. "Yeah, I suppose it is." Kenny stopped, thought about it, and then looked over at Craig. "Hey! We're been having a conversation!"

Craig raised an eyebrow. "Kenny, we've been talking to each other all day. You just now have noticed?"

"No, I mean, you can understand me now? How long have you been ab-"

Speak of the devil and he will appear, though Cartman was admittedly a little late. Kenny's revelation was cut short as his friends walked up, each wearing little smiles that suddenly had Kenny wishing for that metaphorical dog with the over active bowl movements again. Kenny felt Craig's grip grow tight again, and sighed, knowing that the conversation would have to be put on hold again. "What?" Kenny snapped at his friends, "What do you want now?"

Kyle shrugged, "Sorry to interrupt you guys, but we wanted to know if you wanted to-"

"No," Craig said simply.

Stan frowned, "We didn't even say what we wanted to-"

"No," Craig said again, "Me and Kenny are not hanging out with you today. Nothing bad has happened yet, and I want it to stay that way. Go away."

Cartman scowled, "Craig, you dick, you're starting to piss me off. Kenny might be your boyfriend, but he's our best friend and we had him first, so we called dibs. And if we want him to come hang out with us, then that's what he is fucking going to do!"

"No, he's going to come with me to see the paintings, right?" Craig said, giving Kenny a stern stare.

"I'm not your boyfriend, Craig." Kenny replied quietly, nervous. The grip was strong, and he didn't like the idea of it maybe punching him in the face. It was a moot point though, because whatever coherency Craig had developed within the last few minutes to understand Kenny with had apparently evaporated, because Craig turned to the others and said, "See? He wants to spend time with me, not you. Besides, we're fieldtrip buddies, so we're not allowed to separate anyway. Go away."

"That might be true, but just because Kenny can't leave you doesn't mean we have to leave him," Kyle replied, "So we're sticking around to hang out with Kenny, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Come on Kenny, let's get away from these jinxes before they ruin out day," Craig said, turning around to pull Kenny away.

Cartman grabbed Kenny's free hand, and tugged just as hard as Craig to keep Kenny there, "Hey, you buttmuncher, we're not jinxes, and Kenny is staying!"

Craig narrowed his eyes, and tugged, "No, he's leaving."

Cartman tugged, "Staying!"

Tug, "Leaving!"

"Fuck you Craig, he's staying!"

"No, fuck you."

"Fuck you!"

And as Kenny was tugged back in forth between the two foul mouthed assholes who were screaming curses at each other now, he looked up at the ceiling and wondered idly if he was going to die by being ripped in half today.

It almost seemed like a more pleasant alternative to surviving this, honestly.


End file.
